Note: The comments that are made are not iRoster's. They are simply the comments of our readers.
Ladies... You asked for it…you
got it - "Real talk" from a man on "what makes a woman "
more commitment material"
So you want me to
commit? Overall, I think that men commit when they are ready to commit and when
they have found someone that they want to "lock down". Part of it MAY be the
fear of losing a good thing, once they mature enough to know what a good thing
really is.
But here are a few
suggestions:
1. Wait until
he is older
Younger men are
not usually looking to commit and settle down.
2. Wait until
he has something to offer
This will tie into
what Steve Harvey said in his book regarding a man wanting to be able to take
care of his lady and his family. Quality men want to have something to offer
their lady and have the means to support and care for them. Younger men do not
usually have the ability to do this. Don't expect a struggling man to be looking
at marriage unless it is to use you.
3. Love him for
who he is
This is a big one.
It is a love killer, IMHO, when a guy realizes his girl is trying to change him.
Smooth his edges, help him to be a better man but don't try to change his
essence, that what makes him who he is. He has to know this. So, let him know
that you love him for him and not for who you wish he was.
4. Have your
act together
Whether it is
professionally, personally, parenting, financially, be working on making you the
best you that you can be. If there is baby daddy drama, try to get it handled.
If you need to control that weight, get a personal trainer. Demonstrate that you
are trying to do something. Because a man will evaluate and ask "Is adding her
to my life on ALL levels bring more positives or negatives to MY
life?"
5. Have a moral
code; live it, share it, discuss it
While for some,
the end justifies the means, men want to know that when having to make a
difficult choice, his woman will make the right call, will do the right thing.
This can be based on her spiritual/religious beliefs, or her life's philosophy
But a man will trust a woman more when he knows how she will do things and that
they will be considered the "right" things. He wants her to stand out from the
crowd of other women on this one. And how will he know? You discuss it with him,
then he sees in your life that you are what you say you believe.
6. Don’t be the
jump off or booty call - and don't be known as one.
While it may be
fun for them, men usually do not commit to or marry these types of women. And
men talk. Limit how much casual sex you have and how many men you give it to.
7. Don’t
lie
Seems simple, but
apparently it is not. Determine his "lie level" (i.e., what he is willing to
tolerate) and stay within bounds. If he catches you in a big one, confess and
take what comes. And don't do it again. Don’t deny or cover with another lie.
The man wants to be able to trust you and to win his heart, trust is
#1.
8. Admit when
you are wrong
This seems to be a
big one with some women. We all mess up and make mistakes. If you do, just own
up to it, apologize and make up. You get an extra commitment point if you ask
him to help you to not make the mistake again.
9. Always have
his back
Even if your
family/girl/his family is right, always have his back in some form or fashion.
If he does something really stank, it is much harder. If you have an issue with
him and what he did, take it up in private, never public. Extra points for
having him see you backing him up.
10. Make your
times together as positive and uplifting as possible
He should always
be looking forward to spending time with you. There are times when you have to,
as a couple, deal with heavy duty stuff. Life happens. But as much as possible,
make every time together a positive experience. He will want to come back for
more.
— Mr. J.
Rogers
WHAT A FEW OF OUR READERS HAD TO
SAY….
I think women being "commitment" material" and "NOT being commitment
material is all relative to the guy she is involved with. Sometime people are
just convenient (males or females). Just because you are sexually attractive to
someone does not mean you have a lot in common with each other. Women will take
less of a man and try to build him up to her standard and sometimes women will
date a man that is out her league (there is such a thing for males &
females). If women would just take it slow (do them) and have a (real) man to
choose her as a mate things will go a lot smoother. In my most humble opinion
women try way too hard to please a man these days. If patient a real man will
come along, but women just have to open to whom he is. He may not be that
perfect looking person that their girlfriends think they should have. one man's
trash is another man's gold! — S.
Hodnett
___
Its all subjective! At the end of the day a woman only needs one man to
validate her commitment readiness. It's not that deep. All the prolific rhetoric
about man/woman settle speed is really not relevant. We ALL have been labeled
"not commitment material" by one person and then swept up by another who thought
sun rises over our,....well U know. D*mn even some Ho's invariably become
housewives; go figure! As a serial dater (that would be me) I gotta believe that
I'm commitment material & the men that I choose just are not ready for ALL
my COMMITMENT friendly attributes! LMAO....
—
I. Trotter
___
It has been said that "most" men only
settle down with women who are "settled down themselves" (that meaning being
different for each individual person)… and it also depends on the man... (I
think) and where he is at in his life. will determine whether he thinks a
particular women is "commitment material" or not.
— Wade
___
I see women settle way toooo early... and some men too. And then they
wonder why it didn't work out. Hell! Slow down... Find yourself... Analyze and
see what your wants and needs are. The only way you can find yourself early on
is to be real with yourself and stop worrying about what people think. DO YOU!
It's somebody... for everyone. People just need to be real with themselves, as
well as, with the person they're trying to attract. — D.
Cox
___
Yes in my opinion commitment ready means you are willing to commit to a
one on one relationship and you are saying that you are committed to sleeping
with only this one person and no other. People who cannot commit, are not
willing to give up their freedom at no price and they are going to cheat no
matter what... even in a so called committed relationship — B. Gross
___
Commitment material is someone who shares your beliefs, dreams and hopes.
Someone who listens even when you are on a rant about something he feels is not
important. Someone who wants you to be safe: emotionally, physically,
financially and spiritually.
Someone who is
honest enough to tell you the difficult truths about yourself and stick by you
as you work through your growth. Someone who will go to therapy with you or for
you. Someone who will agree to help you take care of the loved ones in your
life: be it your children, parents or grandparents and you agree to do the same.
Someone who
encourages you to be your best and do your best which may mean sacrifice for
continuing education, politics, church leadership or other forms of leadership
and do their best to represent you well. An old fashioned value that still is
important.
Someone who will
drop their bad habits, associations and other things that would destroy you or
you both.
Someone who tells
you they love you several times a day and means it.
Someone who calls
you everyday because you are best friends and need to hear each other's voice.
Someone who in
case of an emergency and can always reach you and if you can't be reached will
go instead.
Someone who feels
that when you are not around, the sun does not shine.— MiaNaja al Sephira
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